mysql remote connection

Hi! i follow the istruction for install ISPconfig, but i have an problem.
When i create a database, i set the information REMOTE ACCESS at YES.
But i can't enter remotly in my database!

I'm trying to setting manualy my user like:
web9_u1 % Si ALL PRIVILEGES Si
and i reflush and restart my server.

my cfg:

[client]
port = 3306
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock

[mysqld_safe]
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock
nice = 0

[mysqld]

user = mysql
pid-file = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.pid
socket = /var/run/mysqld/mysqld.sock
port = 3306
basedir = /usr
datadir = /var/lib/mysql
tmpdir = /tmp
language = /usr/share/mysql/english
skip-external-locking

old_passwords = 1

key_buffer = 16M
max_allowed_packet = 16M
thread_stack = 128K

query_cache_limit = 1048576
query_cache_size = 16777216
query_cache_type = 1

log-bin = /var/log/mysql/mysql-bin.log
expire-logs-days = 20
max_binlog_size = 104857600

skip-bdb

[mysqldump]
quick
quote-names
max_allowed_packet = 16M

[isamchk]
key_buffer = 16M

NETSTATS:

Proto Recv-Q Send-Q Local Address Foreign Address State PID/Program name
tcp 0 0 *:mysql *:* LISTEN 3 2626/mysqld
tcp 0 0 *:81 *:* LISTEN 2 3292/ispconfig_htt
tcp 0 0 *:ftp *:* LISTEN 1 5448/proftpd: (acc
tcp 0 0 84.16.231.191:domain *:* LISTEN 7 986/named
tcp 0 0 84-16-231-191.in:domain *:* LISTEN 7 986/named
tcp 0 0 localhost:domain *:* LISTEN 7 986/named
tcp 0 0 *:smtp *:* LISTEN 1 5550/master
tcp 0 0 localhost:953 *:* LISTEN 7 986/named
tcp6 0 0 *:cvspserver *:* LISTEN 1 386/cvsd
tcp6 0 0 *:imaps *:* LISTEN 6 660/couriertcpd
tcp6 0 0 *op3s *:* LISTEN 6 563/couriertcpd
tcp6 0 0 *op3 *:* LISTEN 6 500/couriertcpd
tcp6 0 0 *:imap2 *:* LISTEN 6 605/couriertcpd
tcp6 0 0 *:www *:* LISTEN 2 0840/apache2
tcp6 0 0 *:ssh *:* LISTEN 3 817/sshd
tcp6 0 0 *:smtp *:* LISTEN 1 5550/master
tcp6 0 0 localhost:953 *:* LISTEN 7 986/named
tcp6 0 0 *:https *:* LISTEN 2 0840/apache2
tcp6 0 2172 84-16-231-191.inter:ssh 85-18-136-86.fast:16998 ESTABLISHED3 2491/0
tcp6 0 0 84-16-231-191.inter:ssh 85-18-136-86.fast:13003 ESTABLISHED3 0628/sshd: root@no
tcp6 0 0 84-16-231-191.inter:ssh 85-18-136-86.fast:57974 ESTABLISHED3 1682/sshd: root@no
tcp6 0 0 84-16-231-191.inter:ssh 85-18-136-86.fast:48799 ESTABLISHED3

i need help please!!!
thx!!